I going to admit that I have been feeling like I need to write and not finding the time and today I feel like I need to complain so I’m finding the time.  It’s not how it should be, but it is how it is.

I don’t remember deployment being this difficult.  I do know that the reason shorter TDY’s are easier is that they are shorter.  I can put things on hold for a little while when it’s a short time.  But with a total of ten months on the schedule, a postponement can be a big deal.  I guess it’s just been a while since the last one.  I only had one child, so trying to balance the needs of all my children was easier.  He got all the attention he needed and there was no one else around to suffer from lack of attention.  Now there are three children.  Who all miss Daddy and who all need instruction of one kind or another.  That child was also younger.  School work was simply organized play.  And if he was too tired or uninterested to do the work I wanted him to do, no problem, it could wait.  Now that child is in third grade.  Third grade is very different from learing colors and number and letters.  And we are also at a point where it is way more important.  He had time last deployment.  He wasn’t even preschool age yet.  And now, I know that we are building the foundation for his whole learning career.  Writing must happen, if I don’t push him now when will I push him?  Laziness in homework doing must be combated now while the work is still easy for him.  But somehow between school for three, cooking and the occasional chore (yes, my house is a certifiable disaster right, please don’t judge, I haven’t even finished taking down my Christmas decorations) I have just enough time to have some fun with my kids which we need and some mommy time which, frankly, I need.  I started the year off with high hopes for all I could hope to accomplish this year, and eleven days in all I can do is hope to teach my children.  I don’t know why it’s all so hard.  It’s not like we don’t normally do school, it’s just that the work is getting harder, and my son is being, well, he’s just being a nine-year-old boy.  He gets lazy and sloppy with his homework.  He will get distracted by other things if I don’t stay on top of him.  He’s caught bit of the disrespectful bug from somewhere. But really, he’s not a bad kid, and while I expect more out of him, I do need to remember it’s not going to just come out of him, I need to teach him how to behave properly.  which of course means more time out of my day.  So while I’d love to be organizing my closet, going through my books to see which ones I can download on my Kindle and therefore get rid of, I’ll be sitting across from a child who is rolling his eyes, explaining that eye-rolling is not necessary and explaining that a story is not just one paragraph, and that paragraphs should be organized, not just a random jumble of sentences.  So please if you happen to come over, forgive my pile of dishes in the sink, the load of clothes on my bed, the hurricane survival zone that is Clara’s room.  Please just don’t pay attention to the fact the floors need vacuuming, the table needs wiping, and the layer of dust on the book shelf unless you plan to help me rectify the situation.  I hope that in a few months I’ll have this thing figured out and those issues will be taken care of.  But for now I cannot do it all, I’m not super mom.