At church today Pastor Kenny preached about rest.  May I insert here that I love Pastor Kenny, he makes me laugh out loud as God uses him to smack me upside the head? It makes the smack much less painful.  Anyhow, while laughing, I thought how I actually felt really rested (even after my self-contorl lost out and we won’t discuss just how long my Kindle and I were up last night).  How I feel calm and relaxed and I’ve heard myself laugh in a way that I haven’t been able to do since Thanksgiving-ish.  Then Kenny talked about how resting on the Sabbath is as much about remembering that we rely on God for everything instead of our own efforts as it is about physical rest.  And I remembered how I’ve been struggling with exactaly what the Sabbath should be in my life, and that maybe reliance on God instead of myself was the key I’d been searching for all along.  And it hit me after weeks of being sick, and miserable, and dealing with a broken washing machine, and not being about to leave the house that God had brought me to a place where I was relying on Him.  And that’s why I felt restful.  I stopped worrying about all I had to do, all I wanted to do, and gave it all up to Him, and instead of worrying about everything, I just did what I could.  And the amazing thing is that stuff was getting done.  My life has begun to move in the direction I would like it to go.  And it wasn’t the sun, or even the arrival of several “normal days”.  The sermon today made me realize that it was that I was so overwhelmed by everyone being sick that I finally gave up control.  And I gave up control of everything. chores, school, appliances and kids.  I didn’t go on strike as I really wanted to do, but I did give up the sense that it was all up to me.  And with a few “normal days” under my belt I was ready to take back the reins.  I had been thinking to myself “alright, we are back on track, let’s go.”  Thank God for Kenny’s timely sermon.  I realized that I was getting ready to put the sucess of my family right back in my own, quite incapable, hands.  I am aware that when left to my own devices I drive my life like Austin drives in Mario Kart, right into walls.  When things get really bad for him, the game gives him a Bullet Bill question block, and Bullet Bill takes over driving and he can sit back, relax and enjoy the ride for a bit.  And God’s kinda like Bullet Bill, driving better and faster than I ever could while I get to sit back and be amazed.  Unlike the game though, I can let God drive whenever I need Him to, and He only stops when I take back the wheel.  And now I must ask myself, why do I keep taking back the wheel?  So now I’m letting go of all my worring over how I will run my life and make happen all the things I want to make happen.  Instead I’m just going to do the things I know I should do.

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