I love the military.  I really, truly do.  I was thrilled when my husband joined.  But why oh why does the military have to re-name everything?  It’s very confusing.  I guess that could be the idea, confuse the enemy.  When one hears AR-34 and M-16, are we talking about weapons, regulations or is someone just throwing together letters and numbers to sound cool?  For OPSEC, I won’t tell if you won’t.  And I’m kidding there, I would never post something about something that could violate OPSEC, I take it seriously.  Which begs the question, what is OPSEC?  It’s short for Operational Security. I do get the acronyms, even if they drive me crazy, CONUS, USARAK, COMCAM, QTFM (made up the last one, but I need more of it on my calender, I have decided it stands for Quiet Time For Mommy).  OPSEC is easier to write and say than Operational Security.  But OPSEC, while thrown around all time when everyone deploys, still doesn’t really give a clue to what it is.  It’s basically “keep your mouth shut about what you don’t want the enemy to know” or more eloquently, “loose lips sink ships.”  But the Army renames everything. A car isn’t a car, it’s a POV.  We can’t just have a grocery store, we must shop at the commissary.  With makes me think of Der Kommissar, and while don’t know what the song is actually about ’cause I’m not that cool, it makes me think of the German SS.  Why would we be shopping there?  I did actually look up the origins of “commissary”, it was the term used back in the day for supply, so I get it.  But still, really, we can’t keep up with modern English?  And then paperwork.  I’ve been told to bring in a DD-2-14 before (or something like that).  What it is?  I might be able to find it, if I knew what in tarnation it was.  Although today I’ve decided to be grateful when they give you the DD number, it will most probably be in one of the corners of the page.  I’ve been trying to find a document for my husband today, and throughout his time in the Army we have accumulated a lot of documents.  With a lot of gobbledygook on them.  Sorting through LES’s, DD-###’s, ORBs, ERBs, B-52’s and leave forms, left my head about to explode.  Okay, no B-52’s, I do know what those are, but I felt like throwing in some more letters and numbers, and I like those.  With all those crazy documents I did find, I did not find the one I need.

The Army does understand that they rename everything and it is confusing and hard to understand, so they offer a class.  But is the class named How To Speak Alphabet?  Or perhaps How To Decipher Alphanumeric Gobbledygook?  Nope, it AFTB, or ATFB, or ABCD (nope, that would make sense, learn to speak alphabet at the alaphabet named class).  It’s a bunch of letters that you have to decipher to know what you are going to.  And I honestly think it’s the first and it stands for Army Family Team Building, and what does that mean? It has the “team building” buzz words, so I’m thinking all those wonderful “team building” games people like to play.  You know have a sucker stand in the middle of a circle with eyes closed, arms crossed and then fall, hoping the people in the circle have the intent and ability to actually catch them. Can you tell I don’t like this game?  I’m not stong and putting a 200+ lb , 6’4″ or taller guy in the middle of the circle and ask me to catch means we are both tumbling to the ground.  Just saying.  Anyway, ATFB, does not say to me, understanding military stuff, they really do teach more than alphabet.  But the thing is, I did take the course, but I can’t remember half the stuff.  Navy rank still baffles the heck out of me, even with watching NCIS and Star Trek regularly.  Thanks to my Dad’s career in the military I do have a basic understanding of officer rank, but enlisted….that’s another story.  In my world there are Privates, Specialists, and Sargents.  I know Corporal should be in there somewhere (and yes, I know it’s the NCO version of E-4), but I’m sunk if I every meet one, I have no clue what makes their rank special.  I also have no clue what any of my husband’s fruit salad is actually for.  I do think one might be for good behavior, another for being deployed during wartime, and another for serving in wartime (seems redundant).  But as for which one is which….hahaha.  Maybe I just need to take that ABCD class all over again.

I had planned on baking a cake as well frying my brain with military paperwork today.  But the igniter in my oven isn’t making a spark.  Murphy really does move in during deployments.  I’m having appliance issues.  Other wives are having kid illness issues.  And the list goes on.  After nearly three months, or for some wives, it has been three whole months, I know of no one who can say they’ve had just a normal three months without incident.  I mean I know stuff happens even when the guys are home, but I’ve never had a washing machine problem or an oven igniter problem before, so for both to just go bad without warning…what’s up with that?  I’d put the other appliances on notice, but honestly, what could I threaten them with?  So I’ve resorted to begging everything to not break.  And the one thing I want to break, it works just fine.  I want a bigger tv for my living room, and then (the best part of all) I’d get to move the wonderful, amazing living room tv upstairs to my room.  I’d get to use my Blu-Ray player with a tv that actually has high def capabilities.  But I have a tv in my room that mostly works well.  You can’t change the volume so everyone in the room has to be silent for you to hear it.  This isn’t a real problem though as it’s my room, my personal sanctuary and if I’m watching tv up here instead of downstairs it’s bedtime and I’m the only one in the room, or I need QTFM and I’m using my room as a retreat and all who enter must be quiet.  I actually got excited the other day when I couldn’t figure out why the tv wasn’t showing what the VCR should have been sending it.  It wouldn’t receive signal, therefore it’s unusable, it had to go.  Unfortunately, instead of running to Sam’s Club and buying that tv I’ve been drooling over for some time now (after I determined if Sam’s Club delivers because that monster isn’t fitting in my car with me and three little people, and even if it did, there is no way I could get it out of my car and onto my entertainment center), I had to make sure the tv was really broke.  Someone, and I won’t give out her name because I could be wrong in thinking that she did it even though she is my number one suspect because all the he’s in the house would have come crying to me that the tv was broken, must have been playing with the remote or the buttons on the tv and messed up the settings.  I fixed it easily.  That someone was probably trying to help me out and give me an excuse for buying that big screen tv I covet, and I messed up that opportunity (and not for the first time either).  However, with all the other things in this house trying to fall apart, maybe it’s a good thing I have been able to fix the tv leaving money for all the other things I can’t fix.  Like the oven.