This morning when my alarm clock went off, I just turned it off.  Normally I hit snooze or reset it for a later time.  Today, I made the conscious decision to just sleep in and relax.  I had to get up early (for me) the last two mornings, and I decided the kids and I all needed to just be today.  We’d get everything done, just on our own schedule.  Not long after I went back to sleep happy with my decision to so, I was wide awake in bed.  Today’s Thursday.  I had been invited to go to a woman’s Bible study on Thursdays and this morning they started a new study.  I was worried, had I missed it?  I couldn’t believe I forgot it.  Since my last home group disbanded, I knew I needed another group to go to.  Meeting together with other believers is hugely important.  And while Sunday morning is good (actually very important, and I would never downplay it’s importance), it’s not enough.  Small groups are needed for discipleship and fellowship.  I looked at the clock.  Plenty of time.  Not only was I ready to join in a group, my kids were so excited.  You’d think they never got to see other children.

I’m so thankful that God woke me up in time to go.  I think I will enjoy this group.  We will be studying the book of James.  So I’m looking forward to that, and getting to know this group of women better.

I do have a problem though.  There are a couple of people there who think I am “smart.”  Their compliments made me very uncomfortable.  As I thought about why I squirmed under praise, I realized some things.  It’s not that I don’t think I’m smart.  Being me, I know I’m smart.  One doesn’t breeze through differential equations with only half an effort without coming to the conclusion that I have a brain.  Certain things just come easily to me.  I’m not a genius, and there are some areas that will every cause me trouble, spelling and grammar will never just come to me. As far as the Bible goes, I’ve studied it, been trained in Bible history and church history.  I remember things fairly well, and am able to get to the point and put it in concise language.  Not to sound super cocky, but I am often able to come up with the answers to questions.  I don’t have all the answers and have been stumped.  But generally, the average questions are easy for me.  So why don’t I do well with praise?  I came to the conclusion that it’s that I struggle with humility.  I have a hard time remembering that while some things are easy for me, I’m not the smartest person in the world.  I begin to think every thought I have is correct and straight truth.  I even begin to believe that I need to speak, the world needs my wisdom.  And then I get really, really stupid.  I forget that any wisdom I have comes from God.  And I look to my own intellect instead of Him.  I’m glad I get uncomfortable with praise now.  Hopefully, it will serve as a reminder that it’s not about me and my big brain, but that it’s about a gift that God has given to me. When I know that people are looking to me to have the answers, I’ll remember to pray about it.  If I don’t have a good answer from God, it’s okay to say I don’t know, instead of forcing an answer.  Maybe I’ll even remember to shut up and that it’s not all about me.  That there are other people who can bring the answers.  Remember that I am not the source of truth, God is.

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