I am so over my car right now. Yes, this is the car I loved and adored when I first got it. The car I hoped to pass onto my son when he turned 16. That was of course while I still had my van, and before my car received the memo that Chase was deployed and therefore it, like the washing machine and the oven and the thermostat, was required to act up. I don’t know who sends these memos, and but I’d like him to stop. Right before Chase left the transmission went out and we had to have it rebuilt. That left me driving a really nice rental van with no snow tires. I nearly kissed the car when I got it back, it didn’t slip and slide all over the road. So I was able to overlook the fact that the speedometer occasionally just dropped to 0, leaving me hoping I wasn’t speeding. Although the way I drive, I’ll be pulled over for going too slow instead of too fast. Then when the driver’s window wouldn’t go down some days, I dealt with it. Thpught it was probably the cold (the fact it is still having the occasional issue rules that out.) Then the blinkers started going haywire, but the speedometer was back to working so I dealt. Then the remote start stopped working, but it’s no longer winter so it’s not very much needed. Then the blinkers, remote start, and speedometer all stopped working completely. But Chase was supposed to be home today or hereabouts, so it could all just wait for him and his manly competence. In honor of Chase not being here today (we decided that r and r would be better for all if taken in a bit) the car decided to sprout a new problem. I was just going to the drive through. I could have walked, but it was raining. So we drove. I was pleasantly surprised when I didn’t have to push the car back home. The hill nearly did the car in. Going up the hill the RPM’s would drop off, I think we were losing speed too, but the speedometer isn’t working so I wouldn’t know for sure. Then they would spike for a second and we would surge up the hill. Then, just as quickly they would drop off. I am officially done with my car. It is parked in my garage until I take it into the shop. Which shop I don’t know, but as they all can’t see me until Tuesday I have some time to decide. If it’s the shop just downhill from me, I’ll drive. If it’s a different shop, I don’t know just how it’s going to get there. I’m not getting on the highway in that car.

I had been hoping to wait until Chase got home to buy a new van. It’s very needed. The three kids are packed in the back of the car like sardines when it works. After today I decided I couldn’t wait. So I got to looking. I got so excited about a van that has nearly everything I want in a van, low mileage, and the color I prefer. The price was high, but I thought doable knowing vaguely how much money was in the bank. Doable until I sat down and really looked at the numbers and remembered that all those dollars have other places to go. And I began to realize it’s the van I want, or the home improvements I want. It’s the van I want, or paying off that much extra on the house. It’s the van I want or college tuition for the kids. It’s the van I want or our vacation to Hawaii. It’s the van I want, or the money to fix the car that we will need when Chase comes home for good. And now I don’t know what I want to do about it all.

Deployment makes things difficult. If Chase were home, we tackle this together. We’d both bring our thoughts and ideas into the situation. We’d lift up each other’s spirits. I know he’d have me laughing about something right now. But right now I am just waiting until he gets my e-mails and calls or writes me back. If it were just me, I’d impulsively make a decision knowing that I was the only one having to deal with the consequences. And I’m glad it’s not just me. Chase brings a wonderful level head to the table that I lack. I’m glad I know I can rely on his judgement. And even knowing that I will be able to talk things over with him eventually is better than being on my own. On my own I would have found a way to get that car to the dealership and traded it in for the new van. And while the money would have worked itself out, I do very much love that car and would like to try to fix all the stuff that’s wrong with it.

Now, seriously, person sending my stuff memos that Chase is gone, STOP!!!! I’m not sure my sanity can handle one more thing going wrong.

Wonderful man was able to call. He did make me laugh and I feel a million zillion times better. He also had great input as usual.