Today, I had a really hard time getting started.  Part of it was plain old readjustment stuff.  I could not fall asleep last night.  I was exhausted, but just couldn’t sleep.  Finally at about 2 I realized how futile everything I was trying was and took a sleeping aid.  I probably should have tried that a lot earlier, but I worry so much about becoming reliant upon the pills that it’s often morning before I’ll take them.  I was so tired and it had been so long since I’ve used one, I forgot that I normally only take a half dose.  I got an excellent night’s sleep, or morning’s sleep, but I didn’t wake up until much later than I had originally planned.  But the kid’s needed their sleep too.  Austin and Clara slept in just as long as I did.

Having had a great night’s sleep, I should have awoke refreshed and ready to start the day.  Instead I choose to be whiny and complainy.  Instead of tackling my to-do list, I was cranky that yesterday wasn’t the self-indulgent day I had originally planned.  I just wanted to go over to Julie’s and complain about all the things that annoy me.  The whinier I got, the less motivated I was and the worse I felt.  After an hour, it hit me.  My crappy thoughts were not helping me have a better day.  They were not helping me get stuff done.  They were pulling me down.  I put some Christian music on my I-Pod and decided that I was no longer going to entertain crappy thoughts.

After that it didn’t take long before I had done what I had to do around the house.  I decided to take the kids to an early dinner before grocery shopping.  We had a great time.  Then we went to the library and got our fill of movies, music, games, and books.  We will be too entertained to get too sad for the next three months (as long as we keep hitting the library).  Then the grocery store.  I purposely didn’t go yesterday, knowing that my mood would cause me to buy more snacks than we need.  I worried that I would hit the snack aisle hard today, but after a fun dinner and good time at the library, I was able to limit my indulgences to a Butterfinger at the check out counter.  I will not be able to try to eat my sadness away, we’ve only got good food in this house.  No chips, no extra candy, no random junk food.  If I want a snack I’ve got fruit, dried fruit, and nuts.

We got home with time for the kids to play some Michael Jackson Experience on the Wii before America’s Got Talent.  So we had a very fun evening.  I even set up a special e-mail account for Xavier to be able to e-mail his dad.  This day that started off rocky due to a bad attitude, ended up being a great evening with my family because I made the choice to change my attitude.