Just got home from CR. The kids are inside, hopefully getting ready for bed. I’m sitting in my van in the dark.

Driving home all sorts of thoughts started racing around in my head. Thoughts about my husband, deployment, frustration with people who won’t do the right thing. Thoughts about me, why I am the way I am, what a total mess I am. Along with all this stuff, I got a headache. Not just any headache either. The just spent a lot of time crying, only cure is to sleep headache. And I hadn’t been crying.

As I drove into the garage, all I wanted was some me time. So I sent the kids in while I got caught up with Facebook. But my brain just wouldn’t quit. I don’t know what to do with all the stuff going through my head either. I want it to stop and go away. And I know just how to turn my brain off. Get a snack and sit in front of the tv. Or maybe a soda and sit in front of the computer. But none of that would address what’s going on in my heart to cause my brain to be in overdrive. It’ll just cover it up. I’m tired of covering up. I’m ready to deal.

So why am I sitting in my car in the dark? Because I’m asking God to help me deal, and I know if I go inside right now there will be stuff that needs my attention. Here it’s just me and God, so I’m gonna chill in here for a bit longer.