I sit here wondering how to describe today, what was important, or what was interesting.

The biggest thing is that I miss Chase more palpably than for the rest of the deployment.  He is nearly home, yet I ache for him more than ever.  The closer his arrival comes, the bigger the hole of his absence.  I think it is that his homecoming is so near, and yet so up in the air.  I don’t know exactly when he should arrive, just that his arrival is coming soon.  And in every little thing, I think of the difference his presence would make.  I begin to think about what dinner would be like with him again.  Dinner will be very different.  For the past months, I haven’t really cooked.  Ease has been the rule.  Making a fuss over food hardly seems worth it when feeding kids who would rather have peanut butter and jelly than Monte Crist sandwiches.  I would also rather have the time than the taste.  However, when Chase is home I delight in making fancy fare, as I know it will be appreciated.  I love seeing the gleam in my husband’s eye as he enjoys something I made just for him.  I think how nice it would be to have him to lean against for a minute as I gather strength for the next task on my list.  I think about how I want to look pretty for him.  I think about how much more fun Thursday night spa night will be with him.  I think of how goofy he’d be with the kids.  I think of how I can’t wait to see Clara kiss her daddy goodnight.  She wasn’t much of a kisser when he left.  That has greatly changed.  I think of how nice it will be to get his thoughts or guidance on decisions.  I think how I can’t wait for him to take over some of the stuff I’ve been doing.  I think of the plans I want to make with him.  It’s all so close I can nearly taste it.  That closeness only sheds light on how all that isn’t quite here yet.  But it will be here soon, so I go on with life, wanting, waiting, and anticipating.

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