Couldn’t post this when I wrote it, Op-Sec. But as Chase is home safe, here it is. Let me say, his home-coming was amazing. Everything I hoped for and more. I have an amazing husband, who is understanding and loving and just happy to be home.

So yesterday, I was all missing Chase, but I didn’t know when he was coming home. This morning I found out, tomorrow morning. I went from “I miss Chase so much, I can’t wait till he comes home” to “Oh my goodness, Chase is coming home and everything’s not perfect.” All my love and excitement fled as stress flooded in. That is so not the wife Chase needs to come home to. And I am trying my best not to be that person.

First, I just continued what I was doing. I was teaching Xavier. That was important. That needed to be done.

Second, I decided then and there, I wasn’t going to do any extra cleaning. I know it’s kind of crazy. But I knew if I was cleaning all day long, it would only add to my stress. Putting something away, I would see that something needed to be dusted, and then something else would need to be vacuumed. So other than my daily load of dishes and load of laundry, I have done zero cleaning/picking up today. I know that my husband will just be glad to be home, it would be nice if it were perfect, but home is what matters. Honestly, the house is not that bad. This isn’t the last time he redeployed when I hadn’t cleaned in forever. I’ve been keeping up with the housework. And by not cleaning, I am reminding myself I’m not the same person. So the floors aren’t vacuumed. So Clara left a puzzle all over the living room floor. So Xavier’s homework is all over the place. So Austin’s train is taking up the entry way. So I left school stuff all over the sun room. It’s just lived in, and normal, and okay.

Third, I worked out to get myself out of the house and hanging with a friend. Okay, possibly not the smartest thing to do with my back still hurting. But Web MD says to do what you can with lower back pain, and I needed the time with my friend.

Fourth, I went shopping. Soda, chips, and ice cream cake for my husband. I know what my man likes. I figure having those things in the house makes up for the fact that I haven’t cleaned the dining room chairs since R&R. (Cloth chairs and children may not have been the smartest buying decision I ever made, but I love those chairs.)

Fifth, I went to Celebrate Recovery. I think going may be one of the best things I’ve ever done. Learning to deal with my crap, even just learning to acknowledge my crap and face it head on, will make me a better wife. I know it’s making me a better mother.

Now I’m home. Home in my messy house. I’m going to let my house stay messy and I’m going to get a good night’s sleep so that I can be loving and excited and not stressed when I go pick up my husband tomorrow. And you know what. I’m okay with that. I’m finally relaxed and happy. I am no longer worried about things I really don’t need to be worried about. I know my husband is just going to be happy to be home and with his family, mess and all.

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