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It’s only day three of 2018 and my want to is officially busted.  Dishes are already piling up.  Laundry, ugh, I don’t want to talk about laundry.  Whoever designed a house with two flights of stairs between where clothes are taken off and laundry happens obviously never had to do laundry in such a situation.  It’s not so much the physical distance, but the mental distance-“out of sight, out of mind.”  Its cold outside so all I want to do is binge watch television under blankets eating like a bear about to hibernate. I have four kids who need to be taught, encouraged, disciplined, and all that other whatnot that parents are supposed to do.  None of which they want for themselves.  The little one only talks about “The Secret Life of Pets” which is apparently on Netflix right now. My eldest wants the Xbox One and to be left alone. The nine year old just has making dinner on her brain, but she still hasn’t completed her chores from yesterday.  Her kitchen ability also means that dinner that would take me half an hour to cook will take over an hour, plus extra clean up. I will admit here that cold without snow makes me cranky.

If my new year’s resolutions were lofty goals, they would be over as of right now. There is no way, no how that anything ideal and lofty is happening today. It’s only two days into real life, and I can tell you, today is not a day for ideal.  The resolutions would be in the trash can and I would wait for another milestone to pass so that I could have a new blank slate to do it all again.

However, my resolution is to try.

I don’t have to lose weight today; I just have to try.  So I got up and exercised. I did what I could.  When I started writing this blog and realized I was eating everything within reaching distance, I put the pretzels away.  I’m trying.

My house doesn’t have to make the cover of Better Homes and Gardens today; I just have to try. So I put a load of laundry in.  Only one load because the laundry and the washing machine aren’t anywhere near each other and it just wasn’t happening today.  I made my eldest do some dishes because delegating can be a part of trying.  I’m trying.

I don’t have to have time management all figured out today; I just have to try.  My younger son pointed out that we had two unwatched episodes of Once Upon a Time.  When the first ended and left me hanging, I decided that binge watching could be combined with trying.  I have a box full of paperwork that needs to be organized during the next week, so I brought it in the living room with me.  I’m trying.

I don’t have to be the Mary Poppins mom today; I just have to try.  So while Miss Clara finishes scrubbing toilets, I am taking a moment to breathe and gain some perspective. She wants to learn how to cook.  That is awesome.  This is an opportunity for fun and girl bonding.  I can do this, and I can do this with a smile on my face.  Not because I have resolved to be super mom, but because for the next hour I can try.  So I’m trying.


I love the holidays, but I am so glad they are over. I don’t want Chase to go back to work, but I am ready to get into a routine.  I have been so busy, I haven’t even had time to make New Year’s resolutions.  While I don’t have resolutions, I do have some serious plans for the next year.  My husband is home, we don’t expect to move for about another year, this is as normal as life gets.  It’s time to get down to business.  My general plan is to really live my life. Teach like it’s my job, cause even though there isn’t a pay check it is my job.  Really get involved in church and Celebrate Recovery.  Blog on a more regular schedule.  Exercise, any at all will do; I want to be ready to do it all this summer, it may be my last here.  Really, just continue the work that I started last year when I began to attend CR.  Nothing new, just really working hard to become the person God made me to be.

Aahhh.  Sitting by the fire and relaxing.  It’s another day when I feel as if I really haven’t accomplished much today.

I guess that’s another thing I should look at while doing Celebrate Recovery.  Why it’s so important to “accomplish” stuff every day, and why only certain activities fall in the list of accomplishments.  I really haven’t been lazy today.

The day started off at physical therapy.  I actually really like going.  I still dread doctors, but my physical therapist isn’t someone to be dreaded.  First, they play worship music in the office.  The music with the prints from Shane Lamb studios leads to a relaxing atmosphere.  (Shane Lamb is a painter who paints Alaskan landscapes, and I adore his work, by the way.)  Then my therapist is helping me to work toward getting me into shape with no condemnation.  Like, I know my posture is out of wack, but honestly, I’ve never know what to do about it.  While all my life people have told me “shoulders back,” no one has pointed out what muscles to use and how to properly make them stronger so that putting my “shoulders back” didn’t hurt and wear me out.  My therapist never said a word about poor posture, she just looked me over and said, “Now let’s do this exercise,” and then, “Use this muscle instead of that one.”  I get it now.  And my back adores her.  She’s teaching me a lot.  Since starting therapy a couple of weeks ago, I’ve managed to hurt my back a few more times, but it has never lasted overnight.  Plus, I’m feeling stronger.  I felt a bit indulgent going to physical therapy for back pain I could deal with, but I’m so thankful I’ve been going.

While I was gone, Chase had the day off work.  However, being Chase, he was working hard.  My garage is being turned into a home gym.  He’s been re-organizing our boxes out there and getting rid of stuff to make room for our gym.  He’s cleared space for a treadmill to go with my elliptical, and we bought mats today for the floor to make space for workout videos, yoga, and free weight training.  He even brought our extra tv out so that I can play videos to workout to or play DVD’s while I’m on the elliptical.  We just need another DVD player (actually a 3D BluRay player is on the list of stuff to buy, and the old DVD player will go out to the garage.  The kids are all excited about having a space to work out, and Xavier even put in 60 minutes on the elliptical today.

Well, I couldn’t be out done by Xavier, I decided that while in workout clothes from physical therapy I should do my daily workout as well.  I should really consider that an accomplishment.  Taking care of myself is important.  The energy and mood benefits from working out make it something I should do often.

After lunch, I recalled that tomorrow is November 6th.  A day that requires some preparation.  So I decided to prepare.

November 6th is a day I have been dreading.  I’m taking all three kids to the dentist.  I hate taking my kids to the dentist and the doctor.  It comes from my need to be perfect.  Because I’m not.  I feel as if I should be able to make sure my kids have perfectly sparkling teeth, and if they don’t have perfectly sparkling teeth I have failed as a mother.  Instead of seeing the dentist as someone who will help me in the goal to have children with perfect sparkling teeth by teaching me tools and tricks, I see the dentist as someone judging me as lacking and deficient as a parent because my kids do not have perfect sparkling teeth.  I’m working on changing how I perceive things, but it’s easier to be in denial than to deal, so I put the appointments out of my mind.  However, today, I had to remember.  With all three kids going in at once, the receptionist recommended that I print the forms and have them filled out ahead of time.  So I needed to get that done.  And I needed to find the insurance cards.  I got that done in record time, but I’ll admit that the doing of it added stress to my day.  Mostly because I still just honestly dread the dentist.

November 6th, also happens to be Tuesday, November 6th.  And if anyone out there doesn’t know, that means it’s election day.  In elections past, I’ve been registered in areas I’m just passing through, so I’ve voted for President, Senate, and House, but left most of my ballot blank.  What did proposition 12 (a hypothetical issue, I don’t even know what else was on the ballots elsewhere) have to do with me when I knew I was moving before it would take affect?  I didn’t feel as if I had much right deciding issues when I had no horse in the race.  However, I’ve been determined to be an Alaskan since before I moved here.  And have loved it here since I arrived.  We may leave, but this time knowing I’ll be back.  I care now.  Being that this is my town, my state, I want my say in all the issues.  But I knew nothing about the issues.  Tomorrow I get to vote on the fate of 19 Alaska judges, 18 of whom I’d never heard of before today.  I needed to study up on the issues.  That took hours.  I feel as if I’ve been cramming for a test.  But I am prepared to go out and vote.  I’m kind of excited, even if this is the fourth time I’ve exercised my right to vote this year.

So I did all that, but my laundry still isn’t folded.  My sheets are over-due for a washing.  The list of stuff I need to “accomplish” seems unending.  I need to learn to be okay with that.  I did what needed to be done today, and laundry can always be done tomorrow.

Now that I got my car back, it was high time to hit the gym again.  I have to admit the week without my car, I was a complete bum.  I had every intention to do alternate workouts on the days I normally hit the gym.  I didn’t even manage the workouts I do on non-gym days, or even the nightly stretching I like to do.  I will say I got my walk on.  I walked several miles during the week I was without ride.  And I am grateful that I had been working out before I had to walk everywhere.  I don’t think we would have made the walks that we walked if I hadn’t been already getting myself into better shape.  But walking and really working out are two different things.

My muscles cried out their reluctance to get back in the swing of things as soon as I started the elliptical.  But this time was worse than that first time I got on.  Even though my muscles were in a state of disuse, my body was still in better physical condition, so to keep my pulse at proper workout level, I had to go faster than I did that first time.  It is one level of pain to keep the machine going at the barely 3 mph needed to keep it running.  It is another things to be going 6 mph to get your heart rate up.  (No I did not keep up the 6 mph pace, before too long 4 mph was enough, however, I was able to put in a full hour.) Then came the weight machines.  It was painful.  Seriously, painful, literally and figuratively.  Lifting half the weight I had been lifting a week and a half ago.  Barely being able to eek out twenty reps on obliques.  It was sad.  Let that be a lesson to me.  Don’t quit.  Even if I can’t make it to the gym, I’ve got stuff I can do here, and I need to do that stuff.  This shows me that even if I’m not losing weight or inches, working out is making some sort of difference.  And a difference for the better.  No more being a lazy bum for me.

Today was a good day.  Okay, it started late.  Yesterday’s workout kicked my booty.  I happily blame Julie for making me go to the gym.  I plan to give her credit if progress is ever made, but now I just blame her for the pain and make faces at her as I exercise.  Yesterday, I hit the point where it just hurts.  We’ve been at it for about a week and a half now.  At first, I was sore, but a good sore, an-I-just-did-something-good-for-myself sore.  Now, my muscles know what is awaiting them, so as soon as I get the elliptical going, my calves are screaming.  And I’m being super wimp right now, level 1.  I know that in theory it should get easier, although Matt says that when it gets easier that’s when you should make it harder, therefore keeping yourself in a constant state of pain.  Matt says constant state of soreness, but I can read between the lines, constant state of pain.  I don’t know having no experience.  This is about where I usually get frustrated and give up.  I can’t see results yet, and I feel worse than when I started so I quit.  This time I have Julie and Krysta, if nothing else peer pressure will keep me going.

Kids have been very good today.  Not much complaining about homework.  Okay, Clara complained.  She complained when, after an hour, I made her stop. I had other stuff that needed to be done.  She reluctantly played after that.  All three worked hard, even though it’s summer break here in Alaska.  I don’t believe in summer break, however, I do believe in summer slow down.  Especially on beautiful summer days when the outdoors and friends beckon, an hour was enough time to keep their brains in shape.  We will have plenty of time for all day school sessions when the snow comes back and the sun leaves.

Got back to working on my own Bible study.  I’m very excited about it, and keep thinking about all that I might just learn.  However, while working on it, it’s overwhelming how much, not knowing Greek, I need to learn.  There are lots of words I need to look up.  Did I really think I could do this?  But I will try.  It’s good for me, right?  I am getting much better at typing as I transcribe all the pertinent verses on the computer.  I am also seeing the Bible characters as much more human than I used to.

We also planned Austin’s birthday party today.  The theme will be Lego.  I had been waiting to make exact plans until Chase came home.  He was supposed to be on a plane this week.  However, things got busy and he’s pushing his leave back a little.  Now, not knowing just when he’ll be home I’m blazing ahead with plans without him.  Army or no Army, we have a life to live and the coolest Lego party a six-year-old ever had.  We planned the date, the guest list, the menu and the games today.  I am so excited.  The guest list is short.  I like children for the most part, but only in small doses.  Small numbers of children that is, we can hang for a long time as long as there aren’t too many of them.